you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
