i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
