are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
