that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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