you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
