it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
