I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
