so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
