You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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