On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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