He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
