Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize