I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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