Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
