but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
