So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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