Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
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