You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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