So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
