I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
