Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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