you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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