At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
