in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
