There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
please don't ironically join a cult
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