So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
