my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
