I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize