Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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