I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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