well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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