I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize