I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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