so that wasnt chicken after all
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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