I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
