I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
