dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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