By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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