perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
