Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
