I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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