the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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