An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
