we're blogging at a bar
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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