KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
