Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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