you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
