I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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