Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize