the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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