i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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