god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
