Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
