Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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