I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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