so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
