if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
