I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
