I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
