Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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