There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
