he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
