Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
