its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Randomize