If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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