I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
