It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
