Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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